FACT #1
"Depression is a lonely illness."
To feel lost inside yourself, disconnected from the world, unhappy about everything.. it's not a nice feeling. Some people won't know how to treat you, some will back off straight away and put you in the "too hard basket". People with depression seem to bring others down, a dark cloud that looms ominously filled with hopelessness and despair.
"Depression is a lonely illness."
To feel lost inside yourself, disconnected from the world, unhappy about everything.. it's not a nice feeling. Some people won't know how to treat you, some will back off straight away and put you in the "too hard basket". People with depression seem to bring others down, a dark cloud that looms ominously filled with hopelessness and despair.
Others will get tired of your coping mechanisms, whether they approve or not. Slowly but surely people you thought were friends distance themselves, they stop asking "are you ok?". They don't have the time of day for you, they leave you. The one's who are left tread lightly around you, afraid each brittle step might be the one that breaks you. So you sink deeper into yourself to avoid losing those you have left.
Each day seems to be another wasted breath.
I think it's time I stopped speaking about it. I need to push it down and ignore these feelings because I seem to be pushing everyone away. I thought being open about my depression would help me but it's only dug myself a deeper hole.
xx
Crystal, wish you were closer and I would just slap you! (In a good way, of course). Of course we care about you, don't you dare "push it down", if this is one way that helps you with your battle then you keep being as open as you need.
ReplyDeletePS. Are you okay? We do really care, you know.
HI.. i have come by to read your last few blog posts as i just pop in and catch up with the blogs i like to see....i am one of those people who do not know what to do, but would love to know how to help.. i read your blog to see how you are even though i do not know you personally.. i know you from the scrapping world, i see your name in the magazines and on design teams..we share the sisterhood of scrappers.. scrapping is all about putting on paper the everyday, who we are, what has happened in our lives.. the journeys, the ups and downs... and we also open up ourselves on our blogs.. i will pray for you.. because when i don't know what to do,, i know i can pray.. but please do not think that no one cares... because more people than you know care... and please dont shut down...keep sharing... real friends may not be able to say the right thing, but our hearts want to help.. and perhaps just knowing i am here and i will come by again is all i can do for now..and i can pray... and ask God to send to you the people who can be there with you and just hold your hand through this chapter of your journey... please take care of yourself.. sending you my love.. and i will be back to check on you!! love lizzy crust...
ReplyDeleteI also visit although I don't comment much...Like Lizzy, I don't know what to say...I believe that just by leaving you this comment, I am telling you that there are people all over the world (I am Greek) who stop by and check on you! We are here, YOU are still here!!! Please don't shut down! Keep sharing..let it all out! If you can't be yourself to the people around you, there's no reason not to be yourself here in blogland!!! Use it as a journal..write your thoughts...just be free in here!! It might help! I'll be visiting again too!!!! Be strong!
ReplyDeleteLove
xoxoxo
You so have people who wonder how you're going and how you're feeling! Sometimes people don't know what to do, or what to say, or how to act, but I bet they still love and care for you : ) You will get over this depression....just like you've gotten through every other time! DUDE do you realise what strength you must have deep down inside to keep going through this. I absolutely admire you're honesty and openness about what you are feeling. Man I find it so hard to do that. I know everything feels so black, and it feels numb and feels like you want to just go away.... but YOU HAVEa little light somewhere in that darkness, and that little light will get brighter and brighter until the darkness fades and you feel like Crystal again. You can do it!!!! Love and Peace xox
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal..i've been checking your blog out for about a month now as i was drawn to how open and honest about your depression you are..as i suffer from this illness myself. I understand how you feel about no one understanding how to deal with your illness and have lost friends and family myself. Please don't bottle it up..if your family or friends can't be there for you find an awesome counsellor who knows how to help you with all of this!! Your a strong woman and have a wonderful husband and beautiful little kids whom love and adore you..don't give up on yourself because they need you more then you know. In time it won't feel as bad and you do get control over yourself and your life again.. Hang in there and those who love you will stick around and stand by you no matter how much you you push them away!! You can beat this!!
ReplyDeletei know exactly how you feel...... its so lonely, and not a nice feeling, i have found my openness about depression to be a good thing, and its been positive for me............... and ive said it before, i really feel like it would be better if i had cancer, because at least people 'get' it
ReplyDeleteCrystal,I can empathetise with your feelings and I think I have said those very things from time to time. I know for one that I try not to "talk" to you because being that I am a sufferer as well I will bring you down. Too many depressed people together and god knows what will happen! It plays on my mind heaps when you were in hospital under watch and I was telling you to sign yourself out as its no bloody help and others are saying "no stay in there its for your own good!". So now I just keep my opinions to myself! Some days I totally hate the world I am in and I feel that no ones wants anything to do with me anymore. I never see my friends any more, and because I am now working in the shop they have to come to me and they dont which makes me think they dont want anything to do with me anymore. But then the sensible side of my brain kicks in and tells me that everyone is busy with their own lives and people dont think about us as much as we think about us. School holidays and all are keeping everyone busy with their own lives. Its hard to see things in a reasonable and rational manner when all we can "see" is loneliness and negativity. I know for sure if it wasn't for my shop and my business, i would never get out of bed. Especially now since the kids are grown and dont need me anymore. I sometimes feel that my presence on this earth is a waste of space. But that is the depression talking, its not real and even though it feels so real in my head! I do think about you most days and hope that your are coping with your life, even if I dont say it Crystal...... I am sure that alot of your friends think of you all the time and the scrapping world is definitely thinking about you cause your freaking awesome!!!
ReplyDeleteThere are lots of people out there who care but maybe they just don't know how to help or what to say. Keep pushing to find the right GP, counsellors or whatever it takes to get you on the right track. Take care xx
ReplyDeleteDont push the it down hon...we ALL care....I know myself the last thing I need when I'm not right is someone saying "whats wrong".
ReplyDeleteso yeah. I feel really helpless watching you go through your struggles...and not knowing whether to send you a "hey you" or just stay quiet.
So "hey you" and I'll be quiet now ;) {but here if you need me}
just coming by.... thinking of you.. take care of yourself....xx lizzy
ReplyDelete