As you all know, I have been struggling with feeling depressed since late last year. I have had my good days but I wasn't entirely happy with my medication and the constant change in Doctors I see at the Ipswich Intergrated Mental Health Unit. I have been trying to disguise my feelings but taking alot of painkillers but this last week I went in and was completely honest (with yet again another new Doctor). He suggested we try another medication to stabilise my mood - Epilim. So I withdrew from my other medications which is never pleasant and began taking the Epilim.
I had alot of trouble sleeping and became extremely agitated and aggressive. Small sounds like the clock ticking would send me off. I became irritable with my family and starting displaying erratic behaviour and showing aggression to me kids and even people in public. I felt so angry like my head was going to explode. I stopped taking the new medication straight away and within days the anger is slowly subsiding. I rang Mental Health who said that I will be fine and they would see me on the 12th of March.
So now I feel lost and alone. I think I'm having a bit of a mixed episode at the moment. One minute I feel okay, next thing I burst into tears. I am at the point where I just want to give up because it feels like no one can help me. To be honest, suicide is starting to appeal to me again. Not in the same way as it did last time, but for the reason that trying to help myself is impossible and no one understands.
call someone NOW Crystal.
ReplyDeleteAnyone that you know will listen
lifeline??
anyone.
I can't give you advice right now, I am not a counsellor or can even pretend to know what your are going through, but I do know that you need to pick up the phone, now.
please chick.
There are a LOT of us out here that care for you, and you are probably freaking a few of your friends out right now.
You may feel alone, but you aren't.
sending you lots of love and hugs.
xx
I am like Sandra, I can't give professional advice. Just know we are thinking of you and wish we could help. Do whatever it is you have to do, I think you need to speak with your last dr, about the new medication and it's effects on you. There must be some medication that can help. Please keep trying. Thinking of you. xxx
ReplyDeletei know how you feel crystal, cos at times i feel the same, although lately im having more good days than bad, but the bad days are extremely bad when i have them....... glad you got off that med, it obviously was the wrong one....... hope you find the right med combo soon for you........ and the lack of understanding and support makes a horrible illness worse, and its true when i say i wish i had cancer instead of depression, because at least people have an understanding of cancer and the support is there....... wishing you all the best
ReplyDeleteCrystal, I agree with everyone else. I hope you get some help, please don't give up. There would so many people in your life that would be lost without you. Hang in there, but don't wait until the 12th of March, try somewhere else, even if it means that you drive to somewhere further away. Thinking of you and please stay safe. xo
ReplyDeleteCrystal, make sure you call someone! Go back to the GP or ring Mental Health and tell them you are not ok and you need help now. I don't really know what else to say but think of yourself, your hubby and your 3 gorgeous kids. Take care xx
ReplyDeleteCrystal hope you're ok. Like the others have said please PLEASE ring someone or reach out if you're having suicidal thoughts.
ReplyDeleteNothings ever completely impossible. I know there's the right plan/medication/treatment out there for you, keep fighting and making people understand
and I hope, I prayer that you find it. Thinking of you, GBU and take care. x
This post hit so close to home I could have written it myself. I hope that you see an improvement soon.
ReplyDeleteI've been thru pretty much the same scenario. Off one med and on to another with an extremely long lag-time to get to the therapeutic dose. I was hospitalised a couple of weeks ago for 10 days for suicidal ideation. Thank goodness my gp took the decision out of my hands, because I had no idea what to do. Once I wad on a higher dose it was like the lights were turned on.
ReplyDeletePlease dont wait, go back to your gp and say HEEELLLP!!!