Life Behind The Lines

Guess where I'm "Guesting" this month?

2012-02-01T21:09:00.000+10:00

at the awesome embellishment store D-Lish Scraps!

I'm totally in love with the gorgeous little flowers and resin buttons available on the site. I will have some products to showcase later in the month, but I did use some of my other D-Lish supplies in the Feburary 1st sketch from Stuck? Sketches..

and I am just loving punching butterflies and using the negatives on my pages..

So here is the first sketch for the month over at Stuck? Sketches..

..and the final result!

"You love to potter around the garden in next to nothing".

TFL

Depression Fact #2

2012-02-01T14:01:00.000+10:00

I have decided after my last post, to continue talking but I will be wary of what I speak about now. So instead I will try to provide "facts" as I see my illness.

Fact #2

"People with depression can seem extremely self absorbed to those on the outside".

I know I come across sometimes as being selfish, especially when I am feeling down. I don't make time for my friends or my relationships with people. I withdraw from my friends and disconnect from my family. It's not something I do on purpose, but I just seem to retreat into myself so much, and focus on how horrible I am feeling that the rest of the world seems unbearable.

I want to thank those who put up with me when I'm like this.

Thanks you to the ladies that commented with encouragement on my last post. Thank you to those special people who inbox me constantly to make sure I'm okay on Facebook, or send me text messages multiple times a day.

Thankyou to my family for being there no matter what, even though I make things difficult.

I promise to have something creative to share with you over the next few days!

Depression is a lonely illness.

2012-01-27T19:29:00.001+10:00

FACT #1
"Depression is a lonely illness."

To feel lost inside yourself, disconnected from the world, unhappy about everything.. it's not a nice feeling. Some people won't know how to treat you, some will back off straight away and put you in the "too hard basket". People with depression seem to bring others down, a dark cloud that looms ominously filled with hopelessness and despair.

Others will get tired of your coping mechanisms, whether they approve or not. Slowly but surely people you thought were friends distance themselves, they stop asking "are you ok?". They don't have the time of day for you, they leave you. The one's who are left tread lightly around you, afraid each brittle step might be the one that breaks you. So you sink deeper into yourself to avoid losing those you have left.

Each day seems to be another wasted breath.

I think it's time I stopped speaking about it. I need to push it down and ignore these feelings because I seem to be pushing everyone away. I thought being open about my depression would help me but it's only dug myself a deeper hole.

Lil' Red Rocket - a lil' bit of girly!

2012-01-23T10:00:00.001+10:00

I'm loving creating some girly layouts lately, lots of flowers and butterflies are a must! These gorgeous denim flowers from Lil' Red Rocket are so cute and teamed with this pink check button, it matched my photos perfectly! I used a Lil' Red Rocket book paper doily layered behind my embellishments as well.

Lots of punched butterflies using some of my scraps and some yummy washi tape from D-Lish Scraps..

Don't forget, if you want some of these yummy products the sale is on over at the Lil' Red Rocket blog on Wed 23rd January at 7:30pm SA time.

Do you want to win?

2012-01-21T11:49:00.000+10:00

A $25.00 voucher to spend over at Scrap Sanity?

Here's how (trust me, it's soooooo easy!). Head to the Scrap Sanity facebook page and post your favourite photo of you with your children/grandchildren/furbabies on the wall. That's it!

The lucky winner with be drawn on Feburary 1st so what are you waiting for?

Bush Girls.

2012-01-17T12:39:00.001+10:00

..here is the second sketch for the month over at Stuck? Sketches.

and my interpretation of the sketch

Don't forget the Creative Team call closes on the 22nd January, details can be found here. I hope you all have applied!!

....right now.

2012-01-16T21:17:00.001+10:00

I feel like I have fallen off the face of the planet. Literally.

I haven't really spoken to many people lately. I haven't been online, I haven't blogged and I have not even considered scrapping. People have been asking if I'm still alive.

I guess I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I'm getting good at hiding my emotions and am playing the part extremely well.

I'm hoping to find my way back sometime soon.

Lil' Red Rocket - Big News!!

2012-01-09T19:55:00.000+10:00

Lil' Red Rocket is having a Design Team Call!

If you would like to join our design team please follow these instructions below to complete your application.

Unfortunately due to postage prices I can only except applicants from Australia.

This design team call is open to scrapbookers, card marker and mixed media artists.

All applicants must have a blog and be able to commit to a 6 month term.

... You will be required to post 1-2 pages a month on the Lil' Red Rocket blog and also post about and plug LRR on your blog and Facebook when ever possible.

Other requirements may include completing a sketch challenge from time to time.

The successful applicant will receive enough free product to complete all projects required for their term plus extra and team discount on any purchases.

All you need to do is send us an email to lilredrocket@live.com.au with a link to your blog and tell us a little about yourself and your style.

Please also include links to your 2 favourite projects on your blog.

Pretty easy huh?

Applications close midnight 23rd January. The new DT member will be announced on the LRR blog at the end of January and will start in February.

How awesome is that?? Lil' Red Rocket is such a great DT to be part of so I encourage you all to apply!

It's also SALE TIME over at the Lil' Red Rocket blog

Janurary 25th 7:30 SA Time

...and I'll leave you with a little sneak of some LRR goodness..

When I'm feeling down - my Top Songs.

2012-01-07T11:41:00.000+10:00

When I'm feeling down I have playlists that I turn to on my iTunes, songs that evoke feelings from inside and "speak" to my emotions. It's probably not a good thing to listen to sad music when you're feeling depresssed but it helps that I can just put my earphones in, zone out from everything around me and maybe even have a little cry perhaps.

So I want to share with you some of my favourites, on my playlist "When I'm feeling down" and also contempory/classical music that pulls on my heartstrings.

"Contempory/Classical Top 10 Songs"

and finally my favourite

"The Search" from the movie Red Dog - Cezary Skubiszewski

"When I'm Feeling Down - Top 12 Songs"

and finally my favourite of all time, and the song I want played at my funeral

"Angel" - Sarah McLachlan

I hope you enjoy these songs as much as I do.

Stuck? Sketches + CT Call!

2012-01-06T13:59:00.000+10:00

... here is the first sketch for the month over at Stuck? Sketches

I flipped it 90 degrees to suit my photostrip photos..

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination".

My current term (and fourth in total) ends next month and I am sad to say I won't be returning to Stuck? Sketches. After 2 years of being part of the Creative Team, I've become a part of the furniture so it's time for me to step aside and let some young blood in! All the details for the Creative Team call can be found here on the Stuck? Sketches blog. I would encourage you all to try out because it has been such a great team to be part of!

TFL
xx

Lime Green annyone?

2012-01-03T08:28:00.000+10:00

... I'm back again, this time with January's challenge over at White With 1.

WHITE + LIME GREEN + BUTTONS

I've used some of these cute little clay buttons from Charm's Creations..

You have until the end of January to upload your layouts to the WW1 blog! Would love to see you take part in the challenge!

TFL

New Year + a new Creative Team position!

2012-01-01T21:32:00.000+10:00

... I had a bit of a bumpy end to last year, feeling absoloutely horrible over the Christmas period and not being able to see my Doctors because they were all on holidays. So happy to see the end of 2011 which has probably been the worst year of my entire life. Looking forward to a fresh start this year hopefully filled with lots of happiness and wonderful oppourtunities.

I have some big news to announce today though, I have officially joined the new Creative Team at

Scrap The Girls!

Our first challenge for the year was to do a monocromatic page and I chose some gorgeous summery yellow!

Hope you are all enjoying your holidays (the perfect time to sneak in some creative time!)

No. Yes.

2011-12-23T20:36:00.000+10:00

... this is a previously unshared layout I created for my White With 1 application. My criteria was White + Blue + Brads and yes I may have gone slightly overboard with the black paint but it wouldn't be "me" then would it?

"No. You aren't alone. You won't always feel like this. Yes. We all feel this way sometimes. The world is a better place with you in it."

The journalling is especially important to me because I don't believe it yet. I need to keep telling myself this in hope that one day I will truly accept it.

Health Professionals - nearly ready to throw in the towel.

2011-12-21T19:42:00.000+10:00

... First of all I want to thank every person who stops by my blog, to those who leave comments and also to those who just stop by to read. I want to especially thank those who comment here regularly, I appreciate all the words you leave and although I may not get back to you personally, I am so thankful that you leave your love and support time and time again.

I am nearly ready to throw this in.

I have been waiting for nearly two months for an appointment with a new Pyschiatrist. My absoloutely hopeless GP gave me a referral and a number to book an appt so I called them early November to be booked in as soon as I could. I arrived today at my appointment to be told the Doctor he had referred me too only works with elderley people/memory clinic and I had actually called her husband's office for the appointment and he just happens to be an eye doctor!

So I've basically waited two months for nothing and now I still don't have a private Pyschiatrist. I have been seeing the hospital outpatient clinic since my last admission but this Dr is useless and when I go in there with a low mood/depression he just tells me I need to do some "walking or meditation". Obviously he has no clue at all!

So now I'm back at square one and thinking about giving up treatment all together. What's the point really?

If anyone in Brisbane can recommmend a good Pyschiatrist or GP (who deals with Mental Health) I would be forever grateful.

Scrapbooking Memories/Masters Entry!

2011-12-19T15:04:00.000+10:00

This year was the first year I threw my hat in the ring. I've been scrapping for a couple of years and I've never thought of myself of really being a magazine worthy scrapper until this year. Unfortunately it was not to be for me this year, although I have heard that my double layout recieved an Honourable Mention - to see that you're going to have to purchase the magazine when it hits the shelves on Dec 28th!

So here are my other three pages for your exclusive viewing...

My single layout with 5 x 7 photo

My hidden journalling and memorabilia layout - I used the garter from my wedding day.

and finally.... my sketch layout.

So I guess it wasn't what they were looking for. I might give it a go again next year if my slightly crushed ego has recovered...

TFL

Getting picky...

2011-12-18T09:31:00.000+10:00

... I've given the current sketch over at Get Picky a go.

Now anyone who knows me well will know I've never been much of a fan of Prima so don't fall over, but I've been using Prima embellishments and I've actually grown to really like them!

"Perhaps strength doesn't reside in having never been broken, but courage required to grow strong in the broken places."

TFL

.....Stuck? again.

2011-12-16T20:59:00.000+10:00

..... half way through December already, isn't it just flying past?

The second sketch for the month is up over at Stuck? sketches...

...and my page

"from the first time we met, I felt that I could be completely open and honest with you" xo

Don't forget to upload before the end of the month/year!

TFL

My baby is 2 already...

2011-12-15T11:43:00.000+10:00

I can't believe two years have passed so quickly! I blogged her birth story here. She is now a strong-willed, dominant, cheeky, energetic toddler who manages to create havoc whereever she goes. She has Daddy wrapped around her finger and gets away with alot because she's the youngest...

.... she is a climber and will pull chairs, boxes or furniture around the house to get to what she wants. She is also a budding artist, yesterday she drew on the coffee table, lounge chair, wooden stool, tiles and all over her legs and stomach. I swear I can't leave her alone for 2 minutes or she will burn the house down.

She has excellent language skills for her age as well. She speaks in sentances, uses manners when asking for things, uses the correct tones and loves to sing as well. She comes out with some incredibly funny things sometimes!

She is certainly hard work but I wouldn't change her for anything!

Happy Birthday Lucie

Smash Journal / Putting it to paper...

2011-12-12T19:39:00.000+10:00

I purchased a Smash Journal recently, to document myself, my thoughts and feelings, my inner struggles. I figure it's good to put it all to paper, to understand myself better and to learn from myself.

I'm trying to keep the journal simple - the aim isn't to be outstandingly creative but rather get it all in there so it can be easily referred back to.

"This is when it began. The first time I noticed something was really wrong with me... Mood stabilisers, anti depressents, anti pyschotics... I hate the medications but I know I need to take it. Doesn't stop me from avoiding it if I can. Take myself off them when I feel great but I soon go back downhill... and we just keep trying until we find the right one's."

There are bits and pieces in there, medications I have so far tried and quotes about how it all makes me feel. I am looking forward to building on this journal as time goes on.

As for how I'm feeling now, well I'm a bit flat and empty. I'm hoping to have my meds reviewed tomorrow though and maybe some adjustments because I'm finding it hard to be happy and enjoy life at the moment. My creativity is certainly suffering.

TFL

Good things come in three's right?

2011-12-09T21:15:00.000+10:00

So my third exciting scrappy news is that the new White with 1 Creative Team has been announced and I am happy to say I am part of it!

This month's challenge - to use White, Christmas themed colours and a Christmas photo.

Simple!

I used my Christmas photos from last year (as I hadn't done my shoot when I created this layout) and this super cute tag from Typo.

Thanks for stopping by!

.... my second exciting news this month...

2011-12-08T13:22:00.000+10:00

..... the lovely Tiff Sawyer approached me a little while ago to be on her Design Team for her new exciting venture, online and shop front store Scrap Sanity.

Super excited to be working alongside some other talented chickies....

Would love to see you pop over and visit in the forum! Can't wait to get stuck in and begin!

Giveaway / Lil' Red Rocket

2011-12-05T13:59:00.001+10:00

Would you like to win this super cute girl's embellishment pack from Lil' Red Rocket?? Head over to the blog to find the details on how you can win! There will also be a boy's pack giveaway next week so stay tuned!

Stuck?

2011-12-03T13:26:00.000+10:00

A new month equals new inspiration over at Stuck? Sketches.

Initially the banners freaked me out a little (I'm not much of a fan of banner's) but I gave it my own little twist by keeping them un-joined and adding brads and rubons here and there...

TFL

Lil' Red Rocket / Christmas Sale!

2011-12-02T21:10:00.000+10:00

If you missed out on the sale last night there are still some gorgeous products that have not sold out yet!! They are the perfect additions for those christmas pages or December Daily albums...

You can check out what was on sale on the Lil' Red Rocket blog here...

TFL

My first exciting scrappy news...

2011-12-01T10:45:00.001+10:00

...for this month is that I am now part of the super talented 123 Challenge Creative Team!!

The criteria this month:

Word - make

Colour - marigold {orange-red}
Technique - MYO (make your own -anything!!)

I created my own unique "stats" tag using Microsoft Word and then printed it through my printer onto a shipping tag.

Nearly Two "and you make me proud every day".

Head on over to the blog to check out the rest of the Creative Team's work! I'll be back later with my other exciting scrappy news!!

Good riddance...

2011-11-30T12:59:00.000+10:00

Good riddance November, you have not been nice to me at all.

You have brought the sad death of a friend's husband at war, the deep low of another depressive episode and resulting visit to hospital, then the farwell of an extremely close friend who has posted interstate.I am really looking forward to December beginning tomorrow and a month full of festivities and happiness.

I will also have some exciting scrappy news to share and finally some layouts, because the only scrapping I have done during November was for Creative Team commitments.

Finally I want to leave with a song that really speaks to me at the moment. It's all about letting things go, regrets, repeated patterns of behaviour - things you wish you had of done differently. Moving forward, not dwelling on what could have been or what you should have done.

Shake it Out - Florence & The Machine

"And I've been a fool and I've been blind

I can never leave the past behind

I can see no way, I can see no way

I'm always dragging that horse around

And our love is pastured such a mournful sound

Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

So I like to keep my issues strong

But it's always darkest before the dawn"

Back on track...

2011-11-27T20:22:00.000+10:00

Well what a turnaround I have done since this time last week when I was back in the grips of that black dog. Within days of starting a medication regime again, I felt my mood lifted and I got enjoyment out of life again. I wanted to be with people and I was actually happy. It's nice to feel stable again for once. I find that I have recently become much more emotionally fragile and little things that didn't bother me before can really affect my mood now. I'm learning to watch for these triggers and how to manage them best when they occur.

I spent most of this weekend with my two besties, I love them "as much as a fat kid loves cake". No really. They have been my two rocks these past few months and have done whatever they can to support me and my family. Lisa is leaving us and moving back to Adelaide this week and to be honest, I'm extremely upset she's going. I know it's all part of being a "defence family" but it still doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to such an awesome friend. I know we'll stay in touch and I can only hope we get posted somewhere close to her in the future.

Me and Elisha getting on the drink...

Love you always Lisa xx

Now that I'm back on track I hoping to pick up some paper and tape this week and hit the scrap desk again, something I haven't done in a little while now.

Climbing my way back up...

2011-11-23T21:09:00.000+10:00

... is one of the hardest things to do. Trying to figure out what went wrong, repair the damage done and moving forward and getting on with life again.

I've learnt the hard way that I can't do this right now without the medication. There is actually something wrong with me and although I have been able to talk about it, I'm not sure it had really sunk in that this is an illness. I have to take the medication to stay well, even though I hate it and the side effects suck it's a much better option to the despair and desperation of depression.

I spent the past week slowly sliding downhill again. I knew it was very close to that fine line of being able to deal with my depression and losing total control. I needed to get help now and I didn't trust myself anymore.

I spent the most part of 48 hours here in my room crying, making myself sick with anxiety and worrying about how much of a burden I am to my husband, children and friends. As much as I hate the medications I was so relieved to begin taking them again because they dumbed my emotions and eased the pysical pain it was causing me. I felt like I was losing control and slowly as the meds kicked in, it was like I could see the way out of that hole again and could begin the steeep climb.

We've changed the medication regime again, mainly because I wasn't happy with the high levels of sedation and weight gain they were causing. So we are going to try and combat this extreme depression I have been having with less drugs but hopefully more effective. I am now currently taking:

Seroquel XR 200mg daily -an anti-pyschotic drug used as a mood stabiliser, sedative and for anxiety.
Seroquel 25mg (as needed limit of 3 per day) - anti pyschotic used as mood stabiliser. I am using for anxiety or if I am feeling out of control as a "top up" to my regular dose.
Lexapro 10mg daily (increasing to 20mg next week) - anti depressent

So that's it for now. We trial these and see how we go with follow ups from the Mental Health outpatient service and my GP and Pyschiatrist.

Thanks for all your support and encouragment on my blog. Not only do I believe that by talking about it I may help someone else, but it actually helps me in dealing with my illness too.

Getting Help.

2011-11-21T13:59:00.000+10:00

I've been heading downhill for a little over a week now. I thought I could do this medication free. I thought there was nothing wrong with me. I though I was strong.

It started with the flood of emotions. Being teary all the time and wanting to cry at the drop of a hat. Then the irritability and the anxiety took hold. I withdrew and lost any enthusiasm for life. My appetite decreased and the insomnia returned. Finally those thoughts started creeping back into my head of not wanting to be here anymore. I fought them hard but the physical pain and agony of all of it taking over in my head was getting too much. I self medicated with alcohol and Panedeine with Codeine (my pill of choice when I want to feel numb). I only took a few but I wanted to take more. I wanted to take them so badly and I knew this was that "fine line" between still having control over my actions and totally losing it and doing something stupid.

So I agreed for a friend to call the hospital and have me admitted. I was so worked up with anxiety and depression that my heart rate was around 115 and I even made myself physically sick in the ER. I know I need help. I want help. I am agreeing to do whatever they say this time.

Thanks for all your support and love.

Xx

Christmas Shoot time..

2011-11-19T19:29:00.000+10:00

Firstly I want to apologise for my blog outburst the other day, I was just having a moment.

I want to thank you all for your support and words of encouragement in my previous posts and I have been back to my Doctor to talk about where we go from here. I have been referred to a new Pyschiatrist now but there's a bit of a waiting list so I just have to "sit tight" for now I guess.

Anyway... I managed to drag the three kids out for their Christmas photo shoot today. The littlest one was not really in the mood for photos (even with my large stash of bribery lollies) but the older two were more than obliging!

"No more photos Mum!!"

She changed her tune once we got home though!

TFL

A big fat case of the "I Don't Cares"...

2011-11-16T18:40:00.001+10:00

.... you know when you just get in one of those slumps? When you really couldn't give a stuff about anything anymore. I am trying to care, don't get me wrong. I dragged myself to Playgroup today even though I really didn't feel like going. I pretended to enjoy being there, I really tried hard to engage in conversation but really I just wanted to get out of there.

This is exactly how I feel right now (minus the whiskers of course)

I'm heading the the movies tomorrow with my girlfriends to see Twilight - Breaking Dawn Part 1. Normally I would be weeing my pants with excitement but to honest, I really couldn't care either way. What's for dinner? Who gives a shit. Really couldn't care less if I didn't eat at all right now. Party on Saturday with some good friends - not in the mood much for drinking. Christmas - meh.

I would really just prefer if I could be left alone, so everyone just Fuck Off please. I did ask nicely...

Friendship - Stuck? Sketches...

2011-11-16T13:40:00.000+10:00

..... the second sketch for Stuck? Sketches this month was created by an awesomely talented chick..... oh yeah, me! Haha

....... I created this page of Eb and I using some of the Echo Park - Victoria Gardens paper (one of my favourite ranges this year!).

"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side".

This quote sums us up perfectly. Even though we only met in real life this year, she has been such an amazing friend. Someone I can turn to whenever I'm in trouble, someone who gives me advice and tells me honestly what she thinks. Someone I can rely on to always be there for me. I don't think I am very good at showing my appreciation for her friendship but I am working on it.

Denial.

2011-11-12T13:18:00.000+10:00

Yep. Here we go... one of those mental health posts again.

It's been 3 weeks since I came off my medication.

I thought I was going good for the most part. Everyone was commenting on how happy I seemed, how my personality had returned - I was back to my fun loving, "out there" bubbly self. I felt like I could manage this by myself and there was no need to be medicated. You know what I even got to a point where I didn't think there was anything wrong with me at all.... maybe it was all in my head (literally) and I was just having a tough time and needed a break.

Pfft. I don't even have a mental illness.

Sometimes it's easier to live in denial when you don't like what is happening. I don't want there to be anything wrong with me anymore. I want it to go away. I don't want to take medication. I want to pretend it isn't real because before this happened I have been able cope all by myself.

Why can't I manage it anymore? I've been through 10 sessions of therapy with my Pyschologist, I've read the books, I know how to "retrain" my thoughts but I still feel like this.

I am over thinking everything way too much. I am feeling pretty empty again. My self esteem is taking a battering. The extreme dieting has returned. I am withdrawing. The anxiety is stepping up a notch. I am irriatable and angry at everyone. I hate my life and the position I am in. I have thought and said things I know are not normal.

Yet I am still in denial. I'll keep telling myself there is nothing wrong in hope, that maybe I can fool myself into believing it and this will all just go away.

43 days...

2011-11-12T10:58:00.000+10:00

Oh boy, Christmas is creeping up fast! Usually I am the most prepared person on the planet with Christmas list prepared well in advance, Laybys on mid-year, the tree up sometime early November (a bit keen!) and photoshoot with the kids done in time to scrap the December challenges! With everything that has gone on this year in my life I hadn't organised one single thing. I missed all the toy sales while I was ill and I really wasn't looking forward to Christmas at all.

Well yesterday Nathan and I went out and finally started our Christmas shopping! The kids were very close to getting empty Santa sacks for Christmas.... Haha

I'm sure that Nerf Gun will be pointed in Lily's face withing 5 minutes of it being opened...

No, I haven't done our annual Christmas photo shoot yet, that's next on my to-do list. But I have been scrapping with some of last year's photos and here's a sneaky peak...

This yummy tag is from Typo

TFL

Are you Stuck?

2011-11-07T20:00:00.000+10:00

...well why not give the 1st of the November Stuck? sketches a go?

Here is my layout using some Echo Park papers and yummy Sass alphas!

Head over to the Stuck? Sketches Blog to check out the rest of the CT examples!

TFL

Basic Grey Blog/Sketch by Leeann Pearce

2011-11-06T07:16:00.000+10:00

When I spied the sketch over at the Basic Grey blog and the awesome layout Leeann Pearce had created as her example I just had to give it a go! I just love all the little details she has in her pages.... sigh.

So the sketch was a double pager...

I decided to just use the right hand side of the sketch and shrink it to suit my preferred 8.5 x 11 size. Leeann's pages are very "whimsical" which is a style I just can't master, so I stuck to my "urban grunge" roots and made it my own!

Smile and the whole world smiles with you.

Paper: BG Olivia, BG Basics, Brads: BG Life of the Party, Rubons: Basics Airmail, Alphabet Stickers: Hello Lucious, Blooms: Pyrus.

I curled strips of paper to join the banner together.

TFL

Something to share..

2011-11-04T21:18:00.000+10:00

...I've managed to squeeze a little bit of scrapping in even if life is extremely hectic and emotional this week. There are lots of things going on in my life at the moment and I'm just trying to get my head around everything without getting completely frazzled and losing the plot!

This page is for the current 123 Challenge criteria - Grey, Stamping and the word "Please"

....I stamped some of my title using some of the Kaisercraft "Grunge" Alphabet stamps.

Then I created this page of my girlfriends at Elisha's 30th Dress Up Party. No challenge criteria, it's a "just cause" layout.

TFL

True Friends..

2011-11-01T20:14:00.000+10:00

... I caught up with this awesome chickie yesterday while she is holidaying on the Gold Coast with her family. I love her to bits and only wish we got to have a good chat, I had so much I wanted to talk about. With 5 little people running around taking up all our attention it was kind of impossible though! Managed to get a quick snap of us - miss you already Eb!

"True friends are precious and rare."

It's for the current challlenge over at Scrap The Girls - pink, polka dots and multiple pics using a bit of the new October Afternoon Sidewalks range that Ebony insisted I just HAD to have!

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WIN THIS??

2011-11-01T12:01:00.001+10:00

WOULD YOU LIKE TO WIN THIS PACK FULL OF SUPER COOL EMBELLISHMENTS??

It's full of lots of yummy things including some of Charm's Creations lollipops, Such Sweet Tierney buttons and some Typo shipping tags!

1. Like my page "Life Behind The Lines" by clicking on the "like" button on the left hand side of my blog or visiting the Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Life-Behind-The-Lines/270867022953577

2. Share this page either on your Facebook wall, or blog and let the world know about my giveaway!

3. Leave a comment here or at the end of this blog post to let me know you want to win!

I WILL LEAVE THIS OPEN UNTIL THE 15th NOVEMBER WHEN I WILL DRAW ONE LUCKY WINNER!!

The Ultimate Sacrifice.

2011-10-31T19:41:00.000+10:00

A SOLDIERS PROMISE:

I cannot promise you every night of my life. I cannot promise to be beside you for every difficult moment, every trial, and every hardship. In truth, I can promise you th...at I will not be with you for most. I will leave you at inconvenient times. Any special date to us may be tainted with the anniversary of the death of one of my friends. I will ask you to take over whatever life we have built together for months and years at a time. And will then crash back into that life that you have used your sweat, your tears and your heartache to keep together, and try to take it back as I knew it before. I will shut you out at times because it will be the best way for me to hold it together at that moment. I will lie to you. I will tell you I don't know things when I do. I will not always tell you where I am going, when I will be back, or who I am with. I may not call you for weeks and months and you will not be able to call me. You will ask questions that I won't answer. You will know answers to questions that you will hope you never need. I will share things with my brothers that you will never understand. They will know things about me that you never will. They will be a support to me in some things that you cannot be. I will miss birthdays. I will miss anniversaries. I may need time to process things that seem natural to everyone else. It will seem that someone - or something - will always take precedence over you. I will uproot you and ask you to re-establish our family anywhere in the world, in any season, at any time - over and over again. Sand and mud will be tracked through your halls from the boots I am too tired to take off. I will leave you when you beg me not to. I will stand at attention while you cry beside me. I will not turn my head and I will walk away. I will knowingly break your heart. And I will do it again - and again. I cannot promise you all of me. I cannot promise you much of anything. But if you will have me, I can promise that as I march away from you, it is not without sharing your heartache. I promise you that every time I break your heart I will be breaking mine. Every time that I cannot answer you I will be protecting you. Whenever you want to call and you have no number to dial, I will be wanting to do the same. I will protect everything that we have created together with every fiber of my being while you do the same back at home. I will honor you in everything - every moment that we are apart and every moment that I am with you. I will fight harder and push further knowing that I do so for you. And I will carry you with me in everything, until my boots once again sit just inside our door.

-Author Unkown-

I am devasted by the loss of a friend's husband in Afghanistan yesterday. I don't really have the right words at the moment but it has hit very close to home. Not only do our men give up their lives to serve but the wives and families sacrifice so much. She is a strong woman and I know her and their three children will be as strong as they can.

RIP - Lance Corporal Luke Gavin

Photo swap with Malinda Gardner!

2011-10-26T18:47:00.000+10:00

I just love doing photo swaps with my fellow scrappers out there. This is the second time I scrapped one of Malinda's children when we have been at a retreat..

Master Henry - Crystal Goulding.

....and Mal scrapped this awesome page of my Lily!

Pretty Girl - Malinda Gardner.

Mal is such a gorgeous and intelligent woman that I am happy to call a friend! If you haven't checked out her blog before you can find her here.

She also runs the challenge blog Scrap The Girls which has an awesome monthly challenge.

TFL

Fulfillment?

2011-10-25T20:00:00.000+10:00

I got an hour to myself this afternoon to just sit and think, probably a bad thing for me as I always seem to over think everything. My Pyschiatrist has asked me a few times now whether I am happy with my life. I've always answered yes, but I know this is a lie.

Can someone please show me the way?

I want that feeling of fulfillment in my life, to feel like I'm accomplishing something. I'm tired of feeling like a failure - I mean I quit University, quit the photography course I started, quit the Tafe course I also began. I don't have a career, don't have any qualifications, I'm overweight, I'm ugly and I have nothing going for me. I'm just over being "just a wife and mother".

(Please don't tell me being a mother is the hardest job in the word and that it's amazing... blah blah blah. Being a mother is a thankless and booooring job and it's doing my head in. Sometimes I just want to get and my car and leave and be selfish and lead my own life by myself)

Am I searching for something that's not attainable? Surely it's normal to want something more out of life.

Rant Over.

Camp Awesome (aka Camp Gastro)

2011-10-24T10:13:00.001+10:00

We set off last Wednesday for a week of camping with some friends at Wivenhoe Dam. This was the first time we had been camping with our children (funnily enough Nathan and I met camping 8 years ago!). Four families with 11 children in total meant it was going to be a fun filled week!

Here is our setup nicknamed "Camp Awesome"!

The kids had a blast swimming in the dam, going kayaking, catching "red claw" crayfish, playing bush cricket, throwing the frisbee or the nerf ball and just hanging out with each other. Though there were plenty of arguments and tantrums too!

Swimming in the dam and kayaking.

Making bead necklaces back at the camp site.

Some of the "Red Claw" the kids caught in the crab pots.

Every night the kids would sit by the camp fire and we would toast marshmellows on sticks and put oranges and apples in the tree for the possums to come out and eat. I love that my kids got to see all the wildlife so close, the Kangaroos would be out every morning and the Kookaburra's would come right up to the tent wanting food.

A Possum eating one of the oranges we put out.

A Kookaburra sitting by our tent.

Of course once the children went to bed the adults stayed up to play! Adult conversation, poker, lots of wine and cocktails (and a few Jager bombs!) and awesome company!

Lisa and I kicking back in the arvo.

Wine O'Clock for Elisha.

Mmmmmm.

A few days into our holiday the Cooper family came down with gastro and decided to leave early. Then I became sick on Saturday night and finally the Maher family became sick as well Sunday night so we decided to come home a day early. We still had an awesome time and I'm devasted that the Robert's family are moving to Adelaide at the end of the year and they won't be able to join us on another camping trip again.

I think Lucie is going to miss Lisa the most!

So back to reality now and tons and tons of washing to do!

TFL

Some Sneaky Peakies..

2011-10-21T17:00:00.000+10:00

..... of my creations for November's Stuck? Sketches.

Whaddaya think?

TFL

Scraplifting a Master!

2011-10-20T17:00:00.001+10:00

.... I've been a big fan of Tara Scobie's work for a long while now and I am constantly inspired by her pages! When I opened up this month's issue of Scrapbooking Memories and found one of her pages had been turned into a sketch I just had to use it to create my own layout!

If you haven't checked out her blog before, you really must head over there!

Just Me and Mine

TFL

Everyday I'm Shufflin'

2011-10-19T17:00:00.004+10:00

.... the second sketch has gone up over at the Stuck? Sketches blog!

I took to scrapping myself once again (been doing that alot lately!)

Those who know me, will know I have a slight obsession with trying to learn some hip hop dance moves and video taping myself as I learn them! Here is one for your personal viewing!

Amateur. I know. But I get a kick out of it!

TFL

Grumble Sunday - Is it worth it?

2011-10-17T22:39:00.000+10:00

Grumble Sunday - I've been wanting to get this off my chest!

First of all I want to say depression is fucked up. Being in the deepest, darkest hole you can imagine is not something I would wish upon anyone. Going back a few months ago, when I was at my worst I was so ill that I stopped eating and lost about 10kgs in 2 weeks. I was already overweight so to me, it was a good thing. I was diagnosed with Bipolar and put onto medication. Okay, I can deal with that..

... but on piled the weight again. 11kgs in fact. Just as fast as I had lost it and I couldn't do anything to stop it. So now I might be happy, but I'm feeling fat and frumpy which makes me feel like shit. So I guess I'm not really happy right?

Why the fuck couldn't these pharmacy lab types do a bit of research and come up with anti-depressents that don't cause weight gain? I'm pretty sure part of the problem with depression is self image and it's not helping that the medication we have to take to make us happy is only making us fatter! It's such a vicous cycle and if I had to chose between being fat and happy or skinny and depressed I think I'd chose the latter..

Almost makes me want to stop taking this stuid medication all together.

Rant over.

Drunken antics..

2011-10-17T21:38:00.000+10:00

.... one thing I miss now that I have been diagnosed with Bipolar and medicated is being able to drink alchohol. I mean, I can have one or two if I like but I really shouldn't with the medication I am taking. So when I hang out with the girls and they are drinking wine, I am usually sipping on cordial!

Even so, I still manage to act a fool along with them!

....I just love Charms Creations lollipops at the moment!!

TFL

Lots of Scrappy shares!

2011-10-17T13:42:00.000+10:00

I'm making a few changes with my blog lately. If you are a regular reader, you will notice I have been making more posts on topics other than scrapbooking, such as mental health issues. I hope to continue posting more on this topic in the future as it's something close to my heart I feel I need to talk about. I have set up a page on Facebook where my blog posts will automatically be networked to so head over here to become a "fan".

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Life-Behind-The-Lines/270867022953577

..........anyway here are the final pages I created while I was away at Barwon Heads. I wish I could get together with my Victorian scrappy friends more often (fingers crossed we can get a posting further south in the future).

These few pages are using some of the Echo Park - Victoria Gardens range and I think this has been my favourite paper range this year!

...... then I used a bit of Jillybean Soup

....and using up some of my old stash..

Phew that was a photo heavy post!

TFL

Scrapping Friends!

2011-10-16T21:48:00.000+10:00

the thing I love most about this craft is the great friends I have made. A few of them have become extremely close friends that I can't imagine living my life without them in it.

Here are some of the girls that I attended Camp Mojo with, such a fabulous bunch of ladies whom are all extremely talented - Ali McDonald, Marelle Jackman Angela Connelly, Tatum Woodroffe, Lauren Boase, Peta Macbeth, Lauren Bell, Bridgette Hatton, Ebony Van De Starre and Sarah Ward.

I also got to finally meet my fellow Storyboard DT Girls - Wendy Smith, Lisa Warren and Ebony Van De Starre. Though I no longer design for Storyboard they were a great bunch to work with!

Peta was so lovely in real life and even let me stay at her place the night before and after retreat to save me driving home the same day (a 9 hour drive by myself). Lisa Oxley is just an awesome chick and extremely knowledgable too!

......and of course I had to scrap one of my besties, Ebony. But it's only a sneak..... you can see the rest of this one next month!

Scrapping Myself..

2011-10-11T13:15:00.000+10:00

Lately I have taken to scrapping myself as a subject more often. I find it's theraputic and I use the oppourtunity to tell myself things I should remember or encourage some positive thinking within myself.

First up a just cause layout...

"You can do anything, but not everything".

Then the girls at Barwon Heads all gave me one item that I had to include on this layout...

"It takes 10 times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart".

TFL

Scrappy Weekend Shares!

2011-10-10T20:36:00.000+10:00

Well I went away to Barwon Heads in Victoria for a scrapping weekend with some of my favourtie scrappy girls. It was a small group of just 10 of us and I have to say it was the best retreat/weekend away I have been to. I only wish I lived closer to them!

I got a total of 10 pages created over the entire weekend, which is awesome considering I was in bed by midnight and didn't even hit the table until about 10:30am both mornings! I'll share them over my next few blog posts.

This layout was created for the current Scrap The Girls challenge - to use the word "Love" in the title.

Then I gave the current Scrap The Boys challenge a go too - using a handmade embellishment. I used a Charm's Creations lollipop and a denim heart from A Lil' Somethin'

and the last challenge I completed was for the Scrapbook Savvy Manufacturer challenge - to use Crate Paper.

I've got lots more to share but I'll save them for another time!

TFL

Did someone say black paint?

2011-10-03T19:40:00.000+10:00

You wouldn't believe how stoked I was when I discovered the criteria for White With 1 this month..

White + Black + Paint or Mists

I mean, I am kind of the self confessed black paint master right?

TFL

Lil' Red Rocket birthday sketch competition!!

2011-10-03T13:00:00.000+10:00

Lil' Red Rocket is celebrating it's 2nd Birthday this month and there's an awesome sketch competition on the blog with some super cool prizes!!

Don't worry if you don't have any Lil' Red Rocket products to use, it's open to any product. All you need to do is link it up to the Mr Linky on the side of the LRR Blog before the 30th October. The winner will recieve a prize pack full of the new release buttons (coming soon in the next sale) and 2 runner's up with get a rainbow button pack! How awesome is that?

Here is my layout based on the sketch, using one of the LRR Alphabet Buttons.

You can check out the other DT members samples over at the LRR blog!

TFL

Medications: really just a game of mastermind?

2011-10-02T18:12:00.000+10:00

Finding the right medication to treat my illness is proving to be very difficult. It's not just a straight black and white answer. There are literally hundreds of combinations of medications I could try and when you're dealing with someone's mental health, you can't afford to waste time experimenting with them all.

I can't just take an anti-depressent we've found as it sent me into my first manic episode. I need to take a mood stabliser plus an anti-pyschotic to keep my moods levelled and to control my anxiety. But these two on their own can't help my depression so now I have added a third medication to my arsenal.

It reminds me of a game I used to play when I was younger called Mastermind. I feel like I try something, then we add another but it doesn't work so we take one away and add some more, then take more away again....

.....it's really a guessing game sometimes.

I miss the person I was before I started the medication. The happy, outgoing, exhuberant person I was. Well most of the time. Except when the depression hit. The medications dull me down a bit and make me feel emotionless sometimes. Now we've added yet another one, I'm just hoping we get the right combination soon.

For those of you out there who have taken anti-depressents or similar medications for mental illness, how did you find them? Do you think they had a positive influence on your mental health?

TFL
xx

Stuck?

2011-10-01T19:19:00.000+10:00

The 1st of the month means a brand new sketch is up over at Stuck? Sketches and this one is designed by the extremely talented Felicity Wilson!

Now who says you can't scrap a guy using pink?

(I hope you're sitting down) I even added a flower to my page!

TFL

In my head.

2011-09-28T18:17:00.001+10:00

Warning: This is predominately a whinging post so if you don't want to know, don't bother reading.

I know I should be happy with where I am at the moment. Things have come a long way from where I was over a month a go. I just don't know if it's going to happen though. Will I ever be happy again. Like, really truly happy. I know it's not a place I need to get to, but the way I need to live my life. I just can't get there yet.

I'm so fed up with not being happy and content with where I am at the moment. I'm constantly cranky and irritable with everyone. I feel empty and unenthusiastic, I feel like I want to cry or just scream out in anger and frustration. It's like I have nothing to look forward to and I'm just dragging myself through the dirt each day because I have to not because I actually want to live life. I keep telling myself "I just have to get through today and tomorrow will be better" but I feel like I'm kidding myself.

My current meds are Lithium 750mg and Seroquel 200-400mg daily. The Seroquel leaves me tired and extremely cranky in the mornings and every night I have to fight with myself to take them because I absoloutely hate being on them!! I've tried to come off the medication again and lasted three days but couldn't handle the withdrawls I experienced. I'm not sure I can function without being medicated but I hate the place I am in at the moment. The depression isn't as deep and the highs aren't as extreme but it doesn't mean they aren't as painful. I just wish I could get off this rollercoaster for a while..

Today was one of the worst days I have had since I got out of hospital. I put on my mask this morning and went to playgroup, obviously I wasn't fooling everyone because I was only there minutes before someone asked if I was okay. "I'm fine" I said. The usual response. I felt so disconnnected while I was there, just trying to get through each minute like it was some sort of painful torture. I came home and I slept. The only way to escape. If I wasn't sleeping I was snapping at the kids. "Are you okay" my husband asked. "I'm fine" I replied again. But I'm not fine and it sucks.

Fuck things up.

2011-09-25T14:29:00.001+10:00

... so I finally scrapped a page last night and it's another one of me! I was inspired by Sar Ward to use a "swear word" on my page (always wanted to do it!) so I picked my favourite one of course!

"I'm so impulsive and I always tend to say the wrong things or put my foot in it. I'm always hurting people or offending them. I just always seem to fuck things up."

It's something I'd like to change about myself and I'm working on it.

TFL

This is Me..

2011-09-24T21:02:00.001+10:00

..most recent selfie of myself. After losing 20kgs at the beggining of this year, the combination of my medication, stress and not eating or excersising as I should be has seen me put 6kg back on. Not really happy with myself right now, but I'm working on it.

Seeing as I'm doing a "me" post, I thought I'd share 10 random "You may not know" facts about myself.

I went to the QLD State Athletics Championships in 2002 and ran in the 100m sprint.
The only bone I have broken is my pinky finger.
I can count to ten in English, Indonesian, Maori, German and Japanese.
I played the Trumpet for 5 years and I have also dabled in other instruments.
On the instrument topic, I can still play the Australian National Anthem on the recorder. Actually I am addicted to music. I listen to my Ipod constantly, music is always blaring in the car. I'm always dancing, or singing or tapping (I'm also addicted to RockBand on my Ipod). I just can't stand silence!
I went to 5 Primary schools and 4 High Schools.
My first car was a Datsun and I crashed it about a month after getting my licence.
I always thought I would start having a family around the age of 25, not be finished by then!
I hated anything creative when I was a teenager and used to wag art class every lesson.
I've always found it hard to fit in with people.

So there's some random things about me. Hopefully next time I blog I'll have some scrapping to share!

TFL

Time to say goodbye..

2011-09-23T13:52:00.000+10:00

So after a great 9 months on the Storyboard Kits Design Team it's time for me to move on. I've had such a good time being part of the team along with some super talented ladies and will miss working with the kits and providing inspiration over at the blog.

On the upside, it free's up my limited scrapping time to concentrate on my two remaining commitments!

Here are a couple of sneaks of the new product that will be on sale at Lil' Red Rocket very soon..

Aren't they just adorable?? I can't wait!

TFL

My Besties..

2011-09-16T22:59:00.000+10:00

This is the second sketch for September over at Stuck? Sketches...

.... I chose to scrap a page of my two besties Lisa and Elisha. There are friends that come and go in your life, most of them won't stick around when things get tough. I have only known these girls for two years (we met at school when our kids began Prep last year) but they are true friends who have stuck around when things got ugly - read previous post for the full story. Lisa was the one who found me in my car, she had to deal with me at my worst. She had to call the ambulance, remove the medications and alcohol from my car and make that phone call to Nathan (even after I begged her not to call him). Elisha was the one who drove Nathan to me, she made sure I didn't get out of my car and walk into oncoming traffic. She brought food up to the hospital for Nathan while I was in the ER. These are true, real friends.

Lisa and her family have been posted to Adelaide at the end of this year. I'm not sure how we are going to cope without her. I love her to bits.

TFL

4 Weeks Ago..

2011-09-15T12:52:00.005+10:00

start a conversation today. You may not have tomorrow. Keep asking the question, RUOK? because mental illnesses don't just occur on one day of the year, they are an ongoing struggle to deal with. I know that for a fact. These last 4 months have beeen the hardest in my life. I struggled to talk about my illness with my family, my pyscholgist and my pysciatrist. I didn't give them all the details, and the things I did tell them I "downplayed" to not make such a big deal out of it.

Every session they would ask "Have you had any suicidal thoughts?" and I would shrug it off or deny having any. I didn't tell them it was all I thought about. It was a constant in my head. I watched myself over and over like a movie that by the time I got to that point I didn't even have to think about what I was doing, it was just automatic. I thought I could handle it, brush it aside. I mean, I didn't want to die and leave my three kids behind. There's no way I would even consider doing that to them.

Thursday 18th August 2011: I was in the middle of a pretty bad depressive episode. The combination of three medications I was on were not working. I was desperate to escape my thoughts, my head, the pysical pain i was feeeling. I was in agony. A couple of Valium to help me sleep wouldn't hurt, and maybe a glass of vodka. A couple of Valium turned into 4, then 8, then 15.... what the heck I might as well finish the bottle...

An ambulance was called. Surprisingly I was fine, I spent a couple of hours in the ER under observation and was sent home. That's right, they sent me home even after I tried to escape the ER while in there. Massive fail for the Queensland public mental health system if you ask me. I was desperate, calling out for help and there was noone there to catch me.

Friday 19th August 2011: I slept. All morning. I was in a really bad place and it scared me. I was desperate. My husband phoned my Pyschiatrist, I'm not sure what they talked about. Some close friends called, they knew something wasn't right and were worried about me. I lost my ability to think straight, i don't even remember doing some of the things I did. I ransacked the house looking for my medications, they were hidden of course on advice from the hospital. I was on a mission. I knew what needed to be done.

I grabbed the car keys while my husband was on the phone. "Where are you going?" he asked. Of course I lied and said I was going to a friends. I got in the car and drove to two different pharmacies to purchase some Paracetamol & Codeine as well as a bottle of vodka. I drove to a remote road, parked the car and took the lot as well as the three days worth of my Bipolar medication i had in my bag. He called but I refused to answer my phone. Close friends called and I wouldn't pick up the phone. It was only when an interstate friend called did i pick up the phone (Maybe I thought she couldn't get to me?).Then I answered another call of a close friend and they put the puzzle together and found where I was, in a messed up state by now vommitting and pretty out of it.

This is where I ended up. In hospital again, but more serious this time. I had the charcoal treatment, I had a drip, I spent the night in the coronary ward so they could moniter my heart and I had a nurse keeping watch of my bedside the whole night. I spent a week in the Mental Health Unit at the hospital. It scared me that I got to that place where I didn't have control over my thoughts and actions anymore. I don't ever want to get to that place again.

I wish I had of talked more about how I was feeling. Maybe I could have prevented this happening. Now I really know how important it is, to let people know what is going on in my head.

I was super scared to tell this story. I may even have people that want to critisise me for talking about it but if someone can read this and say, "Wow, that sounds just like me" and it helps them in some way, then I've done my job talking about it.

If you need help, talk to someone close to you. Or call someone anonymously...

Lifeline 13 11 14
1800 RUOK
BeyondBlue 1300 224 636

RUOK?

2011-09-13T23:15:00.000+10:00

Mental Health is not something that is discussed very often and is somewhat a "taboo" subject. Only recently have I become more vocal in talking about my mental health and my recent diagnosis with Bipolar II, but even I struggle sometimes to reach out and tell people close to me what is really going on.

Thursday the 15th is national RUOK? Day and I think it's important that we take the time to ask our family, our friends, our work colleges, those close to us..... are you ok? It's time we confronted mental illness head on with all guns blazing!

Really. A conversation can change a life. Someone once told me to seek help and I took their advice. Here we are today, I have a diagnosis and I am on medication and I getting help to deal with it. All because of that one conversation.

.....and because this is predominatly a scrapping blog here's something I prepared earlier..

There seems to be tons of other scrappers out there that also suffer from depression, anxiety and even bipolar (yes there are actually other people like me!). So keep this quote in mind:

RUOK?

Challenges to share!

2011-09-12T10:48:00.000+10:00

..... well I'm back home in Brisbane now and happy to be getting back into a routine and getting some normality back into my life. Here's a few more pages I scrapped while I was away..

First up the challenge over at 123 Challenge, to use the colour white, the word "on" and "white space" on your page.

I took the oppourtunity to scrap some pics of myself and getting deep and meaningful with my journalling.

Then I had a go at the current challenge at Show Us Your Stuff which is a sketch..

....and a close up of my cluster..

...and finally, the current Scrap The Boys challenge to use a household item on your page. I went with some gauze from the first aid kit.

.....I even did some maching stitching on this page - which is very rare for me!

TFL

.....Wonder.

2011-09-07T17:47:00.000+10:00

...I'm a little slow at putting the first sketch up for this month, but here it is...

...and I've used one of Charm's Creations lollipops...

....to create this, "Wonder".

I've had such a great week with Ebony, just relaxing, hanging out and scrapping (occasionally haha). She is such an awesome chick in real life and we've had some really good chats while I've been here. I'm heading in to Melbourne tomorrow for 2 nights to stay with Malinda Gardner and hopefully catch up with Skye Johnson as well and I'll be flying home to Brisbane on Saturday. Will catch you all on the flip side!

TFL

New month = New beginnings?

2011-09-03T14:49:00.000+10:00

After a really full on month last month I have decided to concentrate more on my health and well being. Every small change will make a difference somehow, so I'm starting will small things first. I really needed some time out to gather myself so Ebony invited me to come and stay at her place for a week to escape and have some "time out" from everything. Her family is so lovely,her children are adorable and I appreciate her friendship and support more than you can understand. I have also decided to step down from my Creative Team position at Show Us Your Stuff.

We haven't scrapped alot, but I have managed two challenges so far this month.

First up was the Scrap The Girls challenge to use clips and office stationary on your page.

I took these photos of Lucie and I using the Incredibooth iPhone application.

I also had a go at the challenge over at White With 1, pale pink + journalling on your photo.

I used a quote stamp for my journalling and it reads: "We thank God for you every day".

I'll be in Victoria for the next week so I'm hoping to get some more scrapping done as well as some well deserved relaxing.

TFL

....I'm back with some "Stuff"

2011-08-28T07:50:00.000+10:00

and I want to say thanks for all your well wishes and support. I have started a new medication and things are slowly getting back on track after a pretty rocky road. I'm lucky to have such a supportive husband and even thought sometimes he doesn't understand, he is trying really hard to inform himself as best he can now.

As for scrapping I haven't done anything new but I do have the August challenge for Show Us Your Stuff. To use this quote:

"Life is like a great big canvas and you should throw all the paint on it you can"

- Danny Kaye

...and yes, I took this literally and "threw" paint on my page! Added some paint brushes as my embellishments as well.

Sadly I've decided to step down from the Creative Team at Show Us Your Stuff so I can concentrate a little more on my health. Storyboard Kits is also taking a small hiatus until October as well so I will have plenty of time to just worry about "me".

TFL

I'm Sick

2011-08-22T09:08:00.000+10:00

.... That's the best way to describe me at the moment. I need alot of help because I can't help myself anymore and I'm in hospital for a short time, I'll be out of action for a while but I just need a little time to concentrate on me.

Thanks for all your support and love, see you soon
Xx

..... and back to scrapping - Stuck?

2011-08-15T18:30:00.000+10:00

....and back to scrapping now! The second monthly sketch has gone up over at Stuck? Sketches and it's designed by the talented Karen Wilson, one of our international DT members.

Such a gorgeous sketch but I just can't seem to get my head around "circles" on a page so of course I interpreted it in my own way!

and a close up of my cluster using one of Charm's Creations lollipops.... again!

TFL

My Bipolar Story begins...

2011-08-12T20:12:00.000+10:00

.....so these last few months have been pretty full on. There have been many ups and downs and alot of changes happen in my life. Some of them good, some of them pretty scary.

It started with the Dr's visit. The referal to a Pyschologist. Back and forth from both of them and things just didn't seem to be getting any better. If anything they were getting worse. The decision to see a private Pyschiatrist and finally the diagnosis of Bipolar II. The first thing I thought when they suggested this to me was "Isn't that what crazy people have? I'm not crazy at all" but I've quickly come to understand it's actually a very common condition that people suffer from.

"People with Bipolar II Disorder experience episodes of depression plus episodes of a mild form of mania called hypomania (persistent elevation of mood, energy and activity). People in a hypomanic state may experience increased anxiety, sleeplessness, good mood, or irritability. The hypomanic state can last for four days or longer, and patients will note a significant difference in feelings from when they are in a depressed state."

So I've always been aware I was an extremely moody person. I can be extremely happy and social at times, then switch to being depressed and withdrawn and then angry and irritable. I've always just been all over the place and I just thought that was normal, I guess it was normal to me because I've never known any different.

So now I have a name for this I have been trying to inform myself as best as I can. I want to be able to use the correct terms to descirbe my disorder (I'm not sure I even like using that word to describe it. I mean it's not an illness though right?). I want to be able to communicate what I'm feeling, how things are going and if I feel I'm managing things correctly. Bipolar isn't simple at all. There are many symptoms and they affect everyone differently. The "spectrum" of the illness is very broad and there are different ways to describe the "cycles" you can go through. I'm wading my way through the information and discovering more about myself in every page I read.

So now begins the trial and error of medications. Something I will likely always need to manage this in my life, unless I want to risk falling off the rails again. There are so many different approaches to managing the symptoms and ten times as many different medications. It's all about finding the right one's for you and it can take many years even to find the perfect combination. It's really overwhelming at the moment but I have hope that we will find what's best for me. I have discovered already that Anti Depressents alone do not work for me. So my current medications include a Mood Stabiliser (Lithium) and Anti Depressent (Lexapro) and something for my anxiety (Valium) which I only take if I really need to. It's early days but so far I am feeling good so hopefully it continues.

I am so lucky that I have some really awesome friends who know when things aren't going right. They can tell and they are always there to pick me up, ring me to check on me, comfort me and offer me helpful advice (or a kick in the butt if I need it). It's time to stop wearing my mask now, time to speak about it openly because it's not something I should be ashamed of. It's just something I will have to deal with in life just like any other person.

Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It's a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life. - CARRIE FISHER

and that is what I choose to believe from now on.

TFL

....another extremely special friend!

2011-08-10T13:01:00.001+10:00

A few weeks ago I barely knew this chick. We are on the Storyboard Design Team together and of course I'd been a fan of her work for a few years now. She is pretty bloody talented! What I didn't know though, was how sweet and caring she is and how beautiful she is, inside and out. She has the biggest heart.

She is another one of those people that just understands me. She might even know me a little better than I really know myself, which is weird considering we have barely known each other that long. She is wise and thoughtful, and has a way with people I really admire. She's just one of those people everyone wants to be friends with.

I love that we have become such good friends now. I feel like I can tell her anything and I know I won't be judged. She won't think I'm weird. She won't ignore me or push me away. I can actually phone her and have a conversation (which is one of my anxieties - talking on the phone to people) without shutting down.

So I'm so glad to have you in my life now Eb. Haha You're stuck with me now! I only wish we were a little closer!

TFL

Mr Mojo, you're back again?

2011-08-08T14:13:00.001+10:00

He comes in little bursts so I make the most of when he comes to play!

Here's one for White With 1 (lots of purple) a colour I actually don't mind scrapping with!

....loving Charm's Creations at the moment if you haven't noticed! And coloured twine!!

and this one is the current challenge over at Scrap The Boys

using some really funky buttons from Such Sweet Tierney!

...and a super cool technique twisting up the twine that I learnt from the super talented Lou Nelson!

TFL

Hello Mr Mojo, you've come to visit?

2011-08-03T19:45:00.000+10:00

....so I haven't been feeling very well lately which usually means I don't scrap at all. Or I try to force myself, and I hate what I've created. So when I really felt great on Monday I knew it was time to get myself in the scrap room and do as much as I could - Mr Mojo was back in full force!

I tackled to of the challenges up over at Scrapbook Savvy. The first was a sketch challenge and I used this gorgeous picture I took of a friends new baby boy..

..plus A Lil' Somethin' and some of Charms Creations..

...and more A Lil' Somethin' goodies..

Then this page was another Savvy challenge - to use the word "Sweet" on your layout.

...using some of the new Authentique paper and another of Charms Creations lollipops!

Finally I had a crack at the current Scrap The Girls challenge - to use the quote "Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it".

....and yep (LOL) another one of Charm's lollipops!

Phew! That's it for now, I was on a bit of a roll!

TFL

I'm Guesting...

2011-08-02T09:00:00.001+10:00

...at two fabulous challenge sites this month!

First of all this challenge over at 123 Challenge blog, to use multiple photos, black and the word "what". Easy criteria for me of course!

Then this awesome room over at Beyond The Door challenge blog inspired me to create this page

Super happy to be asked to be a Guest Designer at both these sites and would love to see you have a go at them both too!

TFL

It's going to be an exciting month...

2011-08-01T10:47:00.000+10:00

....over at Stuck? Sketches. Can you believe Stuck has been running for 4 years this month? To celebrate birthday month, there will be two bonus sketches on top of the usual two monthly sketches. The blog has also undergone a facelift and has a brand new blinkie PLUS the brand new Creative Team will be announced this month as well! That's alot going on!

So here is the first sketch for this month, designed by the uber talented Lou Nelson!

and here's my page!

Make sure you stop by and check out the blog and play along this month!

TFL

Storyboard Kits - Louie Inspiration!

2011-07-31T10:11:00.000+10:00

So when I heard that this month's kit was going to contain Prima and Websters I nearly had a cardiac arrest! Those who know me, know I'm not much of a fan of those brands, I mean, I'm not really a girly girl scrapper! I think I managed to pull it off though and still put my own touch to my pages!

This one I created my pretty much just using the sticker accents from the kit along with a couple of Prima (yes, you heard right) flowers.

I went pretty/vintage with this one - keeping it nice and simple with some paint and some of the gorgeous butterflies in the kit!

This Basic Grey paper is very bold, not one I'd usually scrap with but I took the oppourtunity to scrap a happy photo of me and based my journalling around my personality - a bit bold and silly like the paper!

I have one more page to share from this kit, but it will be up on the Storyboard blog at a later date with a sketch to accompany it.

TFL

Mojo - Part II

2011-07-27T20:08:00.000+10:00

So I did actually scrap a few things while I was at Camp Mojo, most of them for for DT commitments but theere were a couple that I can share now.

This one was for one of the "Mojo" challenges, to use Creative Stamping... I've used some of the new Kaisercraft "grunge" font on my backround as well as stamped some paint lines with a card.

Then this page was just for fun. No requirement, I just wanted to scrap these photos and the Basic Grey wander range was perfect!

That's all I can share for now!!

TFL

What a week!!

2011-07-26T10:47:00.000+10:00

So I surprised everyone by turning up at Camp Mojo last week. Only a few people knew I was going because I decided to keep it a secret as I originally wasn't attending. I had such a blast meeting so many awesome chicks, words can't express how grateful I am that I got to meet them all.

Our villa was full of fabulous ladies, Ebony "Shiny" Van Der Starre, Jodi "Balloons" Dolbel, Bridgette "Shortarse" Hatton, Ali "Merkin" McDonald, Lauren "Warren" Bell, Tatum Woodroffe, Lauren Boase, Michelle Winston, Kim Jeffress & Tarrah Maclean. We had some awesome chats that left us in hysterics! I only wished I lived much closer to these ladies!

I must also thank Peta MacBeth for letting me stay at her house the night before and the night after, it's a pretty tiring drive coming from QLD!

Here's one of the group pics I took...

....Eb, Me, Bridge and Jodi - just love these girls!

.....was stoked to finally meet Ann-Marie after many late night/early morning Facebook chats!

more gorgeous girls, Sar and Ali

the amazingly talented but humble Lou Nelson - who I have met a few times before.

and finally my fellow Storyboard Kits DT girls, Wendy (who is an absoloute crack up!), Lisa and Eb.

Eb and I swapped photos and I got to take home this awesome layout she did! I just love her stuff, it's so much cooler in real life!

I'll share my pages in another post later, don't want to overload you with photos!

TFL

StucK Sketches/Keeping it neutral!

2011-07-15T15:57:00.002+10:00

Mid-month already, seriously? How fast is this month going!

A new sketch has been released today over at Stuck? Sketches.

I've been wanting to scrap this cute picture of the kids shoes they wore to their Uncle's wedding last year! I'm going make an effort to scrap "objects" a little more, it's a good way to mix things up I think!

I kept the colours pretty neutral and totally love it!

Don't forget Stuck? Sketches is having a DT call, there's not long to go so head over to the blog to find all the details!! You will love being part of the team, I know I do!

TFL

Storyboard Release - "Louie"

2011-07-07T19:27:00.000+10:00

July's Storyboard Kit has been released and oh boy, isn't it yummy!! You'll love this kit if you're a Prima and Webster's fan!

...and this month there is also an Add-On Kit for sale!

Head over to the Storyboard store to grab one before they sell out!

Don't forget about the The Great Storyboard Challenge on the Storyboard Blog where you can win a 3 Month Subscription!!

TFL

Some published works...

2011-07-06T04:28:00.001+10:00

So I finally got the courage up last year to start subbing some work to the mags.... lots of rejections in the beggining (as most of you will know is normal) but once they started accepting stuff it kind of snowballed and it seems they must like me now as I have lots in the pipeline!

So here are a few I can share now!

My first publication with Scrabooking Memories! Vol 13 Issue 2 (Jan 2011) - a Basic Grey Product Challenge. This is now hanging on the wall in my lounge!

Another one from Vol 13 Issue 2

Vol 13 Issue 4 - actually had the wrong name next to this one but I swear it's mine!

Vol 13 Issue 4 - was used in a technique feature! Paint of course... haha

...and Vol 13 Issue 6

and this is my one and only Scrapbook Creations publication so far, Issue 85.

These pages were all done in late 2009/early 2010 so they are totally not my style now! It's good to look back and see how I used to scrap though.

Lots more stuff coming up in the next few mags!

TFL

My 15 year old self...

2011-07-02T19:30:00.000+10:00

I guess I have always had a creative streak in me somewhere, but growing up I hated art. I used to wag art class or muck up until I was sent out of the classroom just to avoid doing it.

Writing was my release when I was younger and I used to journal and write poetry. Most of it was pretty depressing and dark but there was the occasioanl funny or witty poem in there too!

So I was cleaning out some things today and came across my poetry book. I had big ideas that I would have it published one day! I wrote most of this about 10 years ago, at the age of 15/16. I didn't share it with anybody (except maybe one or two close friends). Nathan has never read it. No one else has ever read any of it.

But I want to share one or two with you all..... it's been 10 years so I figured why not? So don't laugh, this is my crazy 15 year old brain writing here and it gives an insight of how I perceived life at that age....

"Fear"

Nothing to me seems clear,

All I feel is fear,

I want someone to be near

as I shed another tear.

"Decision to die"

Sad eyes, no courage

You want to end it all

Worthless, unhappy

Roll up into a ball

Fists of hair, can't stop crying

This whole world makes you crazy

All alone, so afraid

Everything seems so hazy

Bottle of pills, tear streamed face

All over in a moment

No chance to mend your life

You've gone ahead and blown it

Hard to breathe, you want to smile

You know your time is up

No one there to see you through

Cause they never gave a stuff

Close your eyes, one last sigh

no more living a lie

You made the right decision

The decision to die.

TFL

Stuck? time again!

2011-07-01T07:16:00.001+10:00

it's the 1st of the month and that means a brand spanking new sketch at Stuck?

This month it was my turn to contribute a sketch so I hope you all like it - and yes it's hand drawn, I'm not that clever at whipping up a digi sketch yet!

and here is my sample

I hope to see you give this one a go!!

TFL

A page just for me...

2011-06-30T09:44:00.000+10:00

with everything going on at the moment I have barely scrapped at all. I've only just done my DT commitments (sadly I've decided to step down from KIU as of July as well) and havent done anything else. I find it really hard to get myself interested in anything and scrapping seems to take a back seat. Sometimes though I force myself to sit at my desk, scrapping can be great therapy as well by letting me forget everything thats going on and just focus on something deep down I really do enjoy.

So I did this last night. I sat down with nothing in mind, scrapping just for myself. I whipped up one page in an hour, and felt good afterwards! I took inspiration from Krissy Christie's sketch over at Wicked Princesses...

a good sketch always seems to aid in creating when I'm not really feeling the "mojo". I flipped it to suit my photos...

Pretty simple, nothing special but it got me back on the wagon.

and I used one of Charm's Lollipops again too!

TFL

Finally a page to share!

2011-06-26T23:07:00.001+10:00

Finally I have something to share!

Using a super cute Lil Red Rocket robot button!!

Sometimes all you need to finish that page is one, or two simple embellishments!

Some random paint and rubons... so my style at the moment!!

So happy to have my Mojo back!

TFL

These three...

2011-06-25T13:26:00.005+10:00

Nathan and I are very much the opposite though over the years his sensible, quiet personality has "slowed" me down a little while my exhuberant loud personality has given him the confidence to be more social!

These three kids all have huge personalities and put them all together there are crazy hard work! Lachlan is my main man, he's funny, the "class clown", always trying to make people laugh. He also has a sensitive and caring side though, always willing to give a hug if he thinks someone needs one, always willing to help me around the house and can cry at the drop of a hat.

Lily is my little "fairy". She's talkative, loud and silly, forever forgetting what she's doing because she's so distracted, we often say she's like Dory from Finding Nemo! She is such a precious little girl though, she will make friends with anyone and she always includes people that are left out.

Finally Lucie, my little terror! She's full on, loud, stubborn, bossy and the ruler of the house! She's impatient and independent, doesn't want anyone to help her or touch her (as you can see in the photo).

These three are my life! Without them I would be nothing. And as hard as they can be some days, and as much as they test my patience and push all my buttons.... I love them more than anything!

Plus, they will be changing my "depends" and spoon feeding me slop in 60 years time so I'd better be nice to them

P.S Thanks for all your supportive comments, cyber hugs and messages about my previous post. I'm really glad I shared it now and got it off my chest! xo

It's time to be open and honest...

2011-06-22T19:03:00.003+10:00

It's time to be open and honest. Something I find very hard to do but people know when something is up and they know when things aren't right. I've plugged up the courage to talk about this because of so many people who have inspired me with their openess and bravery lately.

I have a mental illness but you know what, I'm actually relieved that it's out there and I don't have to hide it and pretend it dosen't exsist anymore. I've always had issues, for a very very long time. Part of it is genetic and the other part is due to the traumatic upbringing I've had. I've always been a stong and resilient person but lately this illness has started to affect my life,it's been more intense and more frequent and has affected my ability to function normally.

I have never understood what was wrong with me. For many years I have been given different diagnosis from health professionals, a mixture of ADD, ADHD, ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder), Depression, Anxiety.... the list goes on. None of them ever fit. They filled some of the pieces but the puzzle was never complete. So I ignored it, in hope the problem would go away and for years I have managed to keep it mostly under wraps, with the occasional melt down here and there.

The last few weeks were hell for me. I wanted to lay in bed all day and sleep, I cried, I felt hopeless, I wanted to run away and hide forever and never come back. I knew the depression was getting out of control. It wasnt always with me, but when it hit, it hit me hard. It took an awesome friend to make me get my act together and seek some help so off to the Doctor I went.

The Anti Depressents made me feel worse. Ten times worse. I didn't want to go on them anymore. I felt so alone but didn't want to be near anyone either. I hated life and I wanted no more of it. So I stopped taking them and I'm glad I did, because they weren't right for me.

For now I'm riding high, so unbeliveably happy I could explode! I want to sing and dance and laugh with the world. I can't sleep and in fact, I don't need to sleep. An hour or two is plenty and I feel like a million dollars. Though I know what goes up will soon come crashing down and I know as much as I know I need to control this feeling and not let myself get carried away, I can't help but love how manic I feel and I want to ride the wave all the way to the top!

Which comes to my conclusion, I'm being assessed for Bipolar and it makes perfect sense to me. It's like I've finally found the missing puzzle pieces I've been looking for all my life! I feel like it's all me, all over and I wonder how they know me so well when they haven't even met me? I've seeing a combination of my GP, Pyschologist and will be seeing a Pyschiatrist soon for a ffull diagnosis. For now, I'm self medicating and I'm happy with that. I can handle the "Ups" it's the "Downs" I'm scared of. They want me to go on medication to balance myself out, but I'm not so sure yet...

So that's me, in a nut shell. I'm a fruit cake, and you know what... I'm proud of it! There are many famous creative and talented people in the world with Bipolar and I have to say I'm in great company!

Thanks for listening and being so supportive! It means the world to me!

P.S Excuse the rambling but thats me in my manic state! Hahaha

Massive Storyboard Kits Competition!!

2011-06-21T12:44:00.002+10:00

Storyboard Kits is celebrating it's first birthday next month so there's a huge competition with 5 prizes up for grabs, the major prize being a 3 month subscription to Storyboard Kits worth $159!! How awesome is that??

To Enter

Create a layout based on this sketch, incorporating one of the techniques listed over at the blog that the Storyboard DT have shared.

Blog your layout, sharing which technique you have used, making sure you give a link back to Storyboard Kits.

Add your blog link to the linky widget at the bottom of the post over at the Storyboard blog.

How easy is that?

Entries close 20th July 2011.

Stuck?

2011-06-20T13:06:00.004+10:00

The second sketch for this month has gone up over at Stuck? Sketches...

and here is what I created - my son and his two besties from school (also from Defence Force families so they have a special bond!)

I just want to thank those who commented on my last post and have Facebooked me - means alot! I'm feeling much better now so I'm looking forward to getting back to creating very soon!

TFL
xo

I know, I havent been myself...

2011-06-19T21:39:00.003+10:00

I know, i've been kind of absent in "blog land" lately. It's not because I dont want to visit you all, or have anything to share here (though I havent been creating much at all lately). I want to bury myself back in my creative life but it's hard for me at the moment. I even found it hard to be excited at the Scrapbook and Papercraft Convention the other week, meeting so many people finally and taking part in Lou Nelson's class - I wanted to be "there" but I just felt so detatched from everything.

I have my good moments and my bad moments, I've just been having a really bad one lately. I'm just thankful to my friends who know who they are, who have had so much support and advice for me lately. I don't usually share personal stuff on my blog, but sometimes it feels good to just say it how it is, you know?

So hoping this is me climbing my way back up now...

Show Us Your Stuff!

2011-06-15T16:53:00.004+10:00

Here is my first official DT page for Show Us Your Stuff. The requirements are a teal & cream colour combination and a handmade embellishment of course!

I've used one of Charms Creations lollipops - perfect for this colour challenge!

You have until the end of the month to upload your layout to the SUYS blog!

TFL

Jarvis Inspiration!

2011-06-08T11:42:00.006+10:00

I am yet to share the pages I created using May's Storyboard Kit, "Jarvis". This was an awesome, bright kit full of some yummy Crate Paper "Toy Box", Jenni Bowlin, Basic Grey and super cool embellies!

Storyboard is taking a little break this month, but will be back in July with another jam packed kit of goodness!!

TFL

Scrapping my girl...

2011-06-06T12:32:00.004+10:00

I had a go at the current colour challenge for Scrap The Girls this month, lots of pink, black and cream!

Charms Creations pink & black lollipops were just perfect for this challenge!

TFL

Stuck? Sketches

2011-06-05T09:35:00.004+10:00

The first sketch for the month at Stuck? is designed by the extremely talented Lou Nelson!

and here is my take

TFL

Kraft It Up

2011-06-03T12:36:00.004+10:00

This month over at Kraft It Up the challenge is to use a "timeline" on your page. I went with a Fran Tynan inspired page, keeping it simple with a bit of grosgrain ribbon to finish it off.

TFL xo

Some news...

2011-06-02T20:27:00.002+10:00

...I've now officially part of the Show Us Your Stuff creative team!

TFL

Some handmade goodies!!

2011-05-24T20:59:00.006+10:00

Have you seen this yet? Charm is having another sale this Friday night and she's got some awesome new goodies for sale!

I also purchased this little cutie to go in my scraproom from the very talented Mardi Winen's Etsy shop!

and in keeping with the owl theme, I'll have this in my hot little hands when I get to meet Nic Pomeroy in a couple of weeks at Expo. Have you checked out her new venture - Elocin Designs.

TFL xo

Some Lil Red Rocket + Get Picky

2011-05-23T12:43:00.005+10:00

I decided to give the current sketch over at Get Picky a go and used this cute little poodle button from my Lil Red Rocket stash!

Lucie's has started learning how to count! She says "two, four, two, four" and that's about it so far! It's very cute though, I can't believe how fast she is growing up.

Here is the end result - I really loved this sketch!

Counting
TFL
xo

Challenge Time!

2011-05-16T10:25:00.007+10:00

So I went to a crop on Saturday night with some (not so local) girls! I got some scrapping done and had a good ab workout from all the laughing!

First up the current challenge at "Show Us Your Stuff" - to use some trim, ribbon or lace. Of course I'm lovin huge material bows at the moment!

6th Birthday Cakes

This page is for the month's "Out of the hat" challenge - 3 different brand pattern paper, a bow, no alpha stickers. I've used a die cut and foam mounted it as my title.

Sweet Cupcakes
This is the current sketch over at Inspired Blueprints

Oh the places you will go
This is Anthea's May sketch over at Savvy..

2 Teeth Gone!and that's all!

TFL
xo

"Arty Grunge" - Leeann Pearce style!

2011-05-15T20:43:00.003+10:00

So over at Aussie Scrap Source this week Leeann Pearce is being featured in the "style lounge". I have always been a fan of her work, it's always so messy and bright yet she always has such a cohesive design to her page. I had to give it my best shot so went all out Leeann style!

Tons of paint and mists on the backround + lots of doodling (not too hard for me!). It wouldn't be a Leeann inspired page without left over letters, doilies and some of her chipboard designs as well!

Slide FunSo do you think I did her justice??

TFL
xo